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Are We Real Friends?

by twistedcaboose| Published: Monday, February 06 @ 02:24:21 CST
In today's world of online chat, online gaming and settings such as Xbox Live the definition of "real life" friends has been questioned. Comments like "He's got a life and real friends" and "He and so and so are friends in real life" come to mind. But what defines a friend? If you research the word friend you will find the most common definitions as follows:
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.


The definition of friend in itself is flawed and too vague. The words likes and acquaintance too blase. It should read something more like:

A person whom one shares a common interest or passion.
A person with whom you can share your life.
A person whom accepts you as you are.
A person whom makes you feel wanted or needed in this world.
A person you can disagree with but agree to disagree and still care about each other.
A person whom can change your day and mood by just hearing their voice.

The definition could be endless.

Being not only a female gamer, but also a single parent, these outlets have given me something that I cannot obtain in "real life". With limited time away from my house and limited money, meeting people is not easy. "Real life" friends are limited to the people I work with. At that, once you leave a job, keeping up with those people becomes difficult. Meeting people in the "real world" is hard. Finding people who enjoy gaming as much as you do or meeting someone of the opposite sex and not having the physical aspect fall into play.

The definition of friend does not state that you have had to meet the person in a grocery store, bar, at your son's school or actually have had physical contact. Because you have met a person via the internet or Xbox Live are they less of a friend? I answer that question with a resounding NO. My belief is that friendships made in this setting can even be stronger than "real life" friendships. It would be so easy to terminate a friendship, over something small, in this setting. Someone makes you angry, you go to your friends list and "click", friend removed. No big deal, you've never met the person, who cares how they feel about it. Whereas with "real life" friends, you've seen them and have spent physical time with them. Instead I choose to work harder at understanding what caused the problem and dissolve it with that person and continue the friendship. Being a female, the friendships I make with male gamers is based on who I am and not how I look. These things just don't take place that often in the "real world".

To my relief communities like ours exist. A place where we all share the love of gaming and some of us, our lives.

When a member became an uncle recently he called to share his news. The phone calls at night from various members when I'm not signed on asking "Phreak, you getting on? We are playing Cat and Mouse right now." Or New Year's Eve when I was not able to get online, a phone call from a member wishing me a happy New Year and asking where I was while having me on speaker phone so everyone in the pregame lobby could hear me. The anticipation of a Charity Lan Party so that we can all meet and play together and enjoy each others company. Me making a call to a member who had not been himself lately online and making sure he was alright and everything was ok. When I enter a pregame lobby and I'm greeted like Norm walking into Cheers.

Are these "real life" friendships? I believe they are. We all share a part of our lives with each other. Be it our passion for gaming, our good news or bad and even some of us our personal or home lives. This community or ones like it define friendship as it should be. You meet people with common interests, you share all or part of your lives with them, they accept you for who you are, you feel welcomed and wanted, you may disagree but work it out and finally, these people can change your whole day.

If this does not define "real life" friends or friendships then you have missed the entire point of online communities such as 2old2play or Xbox Live and I pity your loss.

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Reader Comments

Sweet (Score: 1)
Posted By Bodaget on Monday, February 06 @ 05:05:19 CST
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You hit the nail right on the head girl, I so look forward to getting on each night to see who is on, talk shit, have fun, and game with out realy caring who wins.



U GO GIRL!!!! (Score: 1)
Posted By ArminK on Monday, February 06 @ 07:19:14 CST
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I agree wholeheartedly,add being a non-drinker and you
pretty much nailed it for me! Meeting DanLeCrinque and
Netw3rk before X-Mas was a blast. These are real friendships,
hopefully lasting a long time. Of course my next comment
about you twisted belongs in the NSFW forum about T-BAG'n
me all the time! LOL



You are right (Score: 1)
Posted By BrutalCrazyJ on Monday, February 06 @ 07:57:32 CST
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You got that right! Since I signed up with 2old2play in August, I have seen a lot of good things come out of this website that close friends only do. Like going out of the way to help someone when they are down on thier luck even if it was just to replace a game so they could be on XBL with everyone. Little things like that say a lot.



From Paingod: (Score: 1)
Posted By PAINGOD on Monday, February 06 @ 12:19:01 CST
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OUTSTANDING! Well done girl.....



handles (Score: 1)
Posted By codemonkey on Monday, February 06 @ 12:45:49 CST
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How does "real life" friends on the Internet work with everyones 'handle'. For instance, I believe that your "internet friend" is really just that...an aquantance until you actually get to know things about them, such as what do they do for work, what are their hobbies (besides gaming), do they have family, and of course...do they have a real name? Its hard to become friends with "assclown888" because there is still that anoniminity there... but knowing "assclown888" is "Bill Smith" makes it a little more closer of a relationship even though its "just a name"...

CodeMonkey


I agree (Score: 1)
Posted By doodirock on Monday, February 06 @ 13:45:38 CST
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I didn't really consider my clan totally friends until I met up with them at the LAN or when I stayed with Lotus and Rich for E3.  That was just the solidifying factor.  I must say, I still call them by there handles even though I know their real names though.




Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By twistedcaboose on Monday, February 06 @ 14:23:48 CST
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I also agree.  Which is why I stated there are various types of "friends" online.  I, however, talk to quite a few people via the telephone and know a lot about their live, although I haven't met them in person.  These are the people I consider friends.  There are many levels to friendship. 





Great job. (Score: 1)
Posted By OR1GN8R on Monday, February 06 @ 12:53:06 CST
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Perfect.




Find the time for get-togethers (Score: 1)
Posted By DanLeCrinque on Monday, February 06 @ 14:21:56 CST
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A resonating article Phreak !
It was really a blast to hook up with my fellow clan buddies during Christmas.  I've had the opportunity to meet Armin (ARMnHMR), Jason (netw3rk) and Brett (GrimReaperBTB).  Now this past weekend I had the privilege of having over Phil (Spot778), we had a ball.  Those guys and the others I game with everyday DESERVE to be considered my friends because I spend more time and speak to them more often (sic) than my long time best friends (who are not gamers unfortunatly).  It's awesome to get to meet new people who share common interest.  My suggestion to everyone, find the time and the opportunity and make those moments happen, it's worth the effort.


Best Place To Do it? (Score: 1)
Posted By doodirock on Monday, February 06 @ 15:13:33 CST
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2006 Chicago LAN Party August 4th - 6th.




Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By twistedcaboose on Monday, February 06 @ 19:37:02 CST
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Lmao....nice plug Doodi....but yeah I'm gonna be there.





Straight shooting the truth!!! (Score: 1)
Posted By cheapbamboo on Monday, February 06 @ 16:17:58 CST
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The concept of "real life" other than in an existential way, is just another method that people try to make themselves feel special at the expense of someone else. At least that's my take on it. The whole idea that people who interact online are not "real" friends is absurd. No matter what persona we use online, it's still a real part of ourselves. So no one can ever say that the experience is somehow fake or pretend. At least not without being a deluded idiot.
Majors props for the article. I hope that this gets around to the various online communities. There is a really special message being spoken here.



Right on the spot (Score: 1)
Posted By Kirk on Monday, February 06 @ 19:35:51 CST
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I agree with you on this.  I feel that the guys and girls I play with on a regular basis are friends and understand that we are all kids at heart.  They don't judge me on anything other than my online habits.  I was off for 2 weeks and missed laughing with everyone.



Bingo!! (Score: 1)
Posted By bigmase911 on Monday, February 06 @ 22:28:16 CST
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As I am the webmaster of the Puzywagon clan for Xbox Live, and it appears that you all like PGR3, and FPS games, our organizations seem to have similar maturity (don't be confused by our clan name). This article hits very close to home, as this is a topic we often talk about. I haven't personally met any of my fellow clan members as they are all over North America, even though we have known each other for upwards of 3-4 years now (when ever xbox live first came out (Nov. 2002?). Anyway, we often talk and are always trying to make sure that other PW's are altight when we are not all together crashing into each other on PGR or setting candy bars (claymores) on each other in Tom Clancy games.

Hopefully you'll read this message and stop by and say hello in our chat box, or drop me a friends request, so we can get our clan members to meet.

ps. I read your posts via RSS on a regular basis. Keep up the good work and great article. (Big Mase 911)



Nice article (Score: 1)
Posted By 1am on Monday, February 06 @ 23:19:01 CST
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I could have lived without the "Webster's dictionary defines friend as..." at the beginning though. Very cheesy.




Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By Sunburned_Goose on Monday, February 06 @ 23:25:59 CST
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Let me just add that I have four guys from this site coming to my wedding, three of which I havn't met before.

Just hope no one toasts "Hey Sunburned Goose, look forward to fragging your timmy one day..."

Yea, lots to explain to the wife-to-be then :)




Sactacular! (Score: 1)
Posted By Agonizing_Gas on Tuesday, February 07 @ 02:24:19 CST
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I'll try to behave.  Promise. ;)




Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By Sunburned_Goose on Tuesday, February 07 @ 08:43:25 CST
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haha, Courtney did NOT like it that I posted that.  She was like "Great Rick, Now you've just DARED them to do it.  I'm killing you."

True love.





Real Friends (Score: 1)
Posted By Buffy on Tuesday, February 07 @ 08:22:28 CST
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First off, good write up. If folks don't believe that internet relationships are not as supportive and enjoyable as "Real Life", then they probably haven't tried to make friends on the web.  I never would have dreamed of it, because I never had access to chat rooms or sites like this that allow communication between folks from anywhere and everywhere.

I also agree with codemonkey's comment that until you know tangible details about the people you're playing with, they are kinda like the "real people" you work with; acquaintances.  I have some acquaintances here at 2o2p, but I also have some friends.

As for the Webster's definition, I think you have to start the story with that.  I don't agree that it is accurate in it's description, but  most of society's idea of a "friend" is based on that definition.  No matter where you socialize or how you communicate, you ultimately decide who and what a friend is to you.  Add to it whatever you want, but to me, a true friend is someone you trust, that you depend on, and that you are loyal too and that is loyal to you.  I don't have to have met you to know if you are a good person or not, or a hot head, or someone who would say and do things online that they wouldn't say or do in "real life". 
Many of us have friends that we haven't seen in years, and communicate with them by phone or e-mail.  There isn't a big difference to me.  I seek out real people to be real friends.  Whether I find them in person or on the web, a true friend isn't something that is easily found, no matter where you look.



Perfect. (Score: 1)
Posted By ScottyATC on Tuesday, February 07 @ 11:41:20 CST
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enough said.





That's why I'm missing you!!! (Score: 1)
Posted By ScottyATC on Tuesday, February 07 @ 11:39:27 CST
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I know......I'm only able to play for limited times each week, but when i'm there, I love to see my "FRIENDS"!!!  Really, the only problem with friend lists is that they're only 100 people.  We need one that holds at least 200. 

This is a great article.  There are times that I mention someone from my clan to my wife.  I talk about players like they are my friends.  My wife reminds me that I've never met them, so how could they truly be friends.  That is the point.  Sometimes not meeting someone in person and becoming their friend is much better than letting appearances dictate what is inside a person.  I could care less if Phreak is bald, has no teeth, or arms or legs for that matter.  In playing with her the few times I have, I admire her skill, communcation, and personality.  That pretty much goes for all of my friends that I join up with online.  I personally think that friendships born here might be even better than those that we "see" only occasionally.  BTW.....I do have arms, legs, and teeth......but the hair is getting sparse!!!!  (If any of my friends really care!)



nice Phreak (Score: 1)
Posted By Avril on Tuesday, February 07 @ 13:42:01 CST
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Great writeup Phreak.  I agree, some of the people I've met through this site have become my friends, we laugh, we rip on eachother, sometimes even drink a beer together, all while playing a video game online.  Thanks 2old2play, this is an awesome community. 



You had me at "Blattle Rifle"... (Score: 1)
Posted By WallyBR on Tuesday, February 07 @ 14:37:59 CST
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Good stuff Phreak. I look forward to every chance I get to play online with the good folks here.



Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By Brad on Tuesday, February 07 @ 20:12:30 CST
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Nice article.



Great article (Score: 1)
Posted By GeeksAreSexy on Tuesday, February 07 @ 21:23:28 CST
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I've read everything you had to say, and I must agree with you, online friends, most of the times, are just like real life friend, if not for the internet, we would never have met these unique persons who are just as real as you and me. A lot of us may be there for online gaming at first, but like all thing, a common interest brings side discussion, and help develop trust and friendship. I've met some very cool people through the years and even if we stopped playing, we still keep in touch regulary.

Thanks for spreading the love :)

Kiltak
[Geeks Are Sexy] Tech. News




Real friendships (Score: 1)
Posted By Thaten on Wednesday, February 08 @ 10:24:30 CST
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Last year, my SO, who was also a gamer, passed away.  All the ppl in the Guild in WoW sent comments and condolences to me.  The Guild leader suggested that we hold a memorial for "fairi".  We did, I gave a eulogy via TS and about 30-40 guildies showed up for it.  I have the screen shots.  It was very touching and thoughtful.
This shows me that these gaming friendships can be real and sincere.  I am in contact via phone and email with several of my "friends" almost every day even though we are in different cities and even countries.
Thaten


Awesome (Score: 1)
Posted By doodirock on Wednesday, February 08 @ 15:12:19 CST
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Now that is friendship





: tear : (Score: 1)
Posted By FireWtr96 on Wednesday, February 08 @ 12:20:26 CST
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you know we love you Phreaky dooo!!!!!!



very true! (Score: 1)
Posted By tbox on Wednesday, February 08 @ 13:21:34 CST
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good write-up phreak!  i concur whole-heartedly!



Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By Archimedes on Thursday, February 09 @ 12:03:58 CST
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That a girl Phreak, you made joystiq

http://www.joystiq.com/2006/02/09/real-friends-virtual-relationships/



Very nice. (Score: 1)
Posted By HeavyMetalBob on Sunday, February 12 @ 19:07:01 CST
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Cheers!



Untitled (Score: 1)
Posted By Geckobros on Tuesday, April 11 @ 18:49:51 CDT
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Without making it complicated I believe calling someone a "friend" is left up to the individual.

I have met many people on-line and some of them I consider "on-line friends". A "friend" to me is someone I want to have in my house and is trusted around my family.

I believe it is far too easy for people to not be themselves on-line and interacting with them in "the real world" is a better way of determining if this is a person you would like to have real world interactions with. Granted, if the person solely exists on-line for "you" and you both enjoy each others company... why not.






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